Guardians at the Gate
by Confessed4Life
Summary: Set after S1: After marrying, Richard returns to Aydindril at the request of the Mother Confessor, who has been carrying more than a deady secret.
1. Chapter 1

Richard pushed past the guards, knocking them to the ground as he rushed past them. He traveled for three days and he was terrified that he wouldn't get to her in time. He had traveled without sleep for days and yet he didn't feel tired at all. The only thing he could feel was his body's ache for her. It had been nearly a year since he had seen her, but nothing and everything had changed. His heart pounded as he rounded the corner and saw the small child sitting outside her mother's door.

"Piper?"

The five year old looked up from the floor, tears in her brown eyes. "They told me to wait out here." Shaking her head, she reached out for him, taking hold of his hand once he was close enough. "He said you were coming to see mommy."

Pushing his back against the wall, he slid down beside her, wrapping his arm around her as she leaned into him. "How are you doing?"

"I'm scared for mommy. They keep talking about- Is she going to die?" She looked up at him, pushing her long dark hair out of her eyes so that she could see him more clearly.

"I don't know," he answered softly. "but I hope not."

Meeting his eyes, she wiped her small hand across her cheek, wiping away the tears. "Because you care about her?" 

"You know that I do."

She frowned, pushing herself closer to him. "But you married Anna."

He sighed softly, still hating himself for marrying Anna more than four years ago, but he couldn't live alone any longer, not when Kahlan had another and he had believed that it would ease her mind and he hoped that he would grow to care for his friend. "I did, but it didn't change the way I feel about your mother."

"I don't understand."

He gave a slight laugh, hugging her tightly. "Neither do I."

They both jumped as the door next to them opened and Zedd stepped out. "Richard, I wasn't sure you would make it."

"How is she?"

The wizard shook his head in sorrow. "She doesn't have much longer. Come child; let's give them a few minutes alone."

Giving Richard a quick hug, Piper jumped up and took hold of the old man's hand and followed him down the hall. Once they were out of sight, he stood up and stepped to the door. The last time he had entered her room was almost six years ago and before he had married. It was before she had taken a mate and before they had pushed aside their feelings. It took almost all of his strength to push it open and step inside.

The room had been rearranged since he had been in there. The bed was now across from the door and under the window. Taking a quick look around the rest of the room, he avoided her, hoping that somehow she would get better within the added moments. His heart sank as he allowed his eyes to fall upon her. She lay, motionless on the left side of the bed with a look of sharp pain written upon her face. Her eyes were closed, but he was sure that she knew he was there.

"Kahlan?" he whispered her name as he stepped to the side of the bed, falling to his knees as he took hold of her hand.

Her head turned slowly, but he watched her push back her pain. "Hi," she spoke breathlessly, showing that she hadn't spoken very much. "I wasn't sure that you would come."

"I'll always come to you."

A small smile crossed her lips as she tightened her told on his hand. "How's Anna?"

"She's fine. Kahlan, we don't have to talk about her."

"She's your wife. She's probably in the dining hall with Piper and Zedd. We can't not talk about her."

He frowned, creasing the lines on his face even more. "She's not here. She's no longer my wife."

"What?"

"Kahlan we both know that I didn't love her. The truth is, I only married her because it killed me to see you with someone else. I- I never cared about her the way that I care about you."

Tears filled her eyes as she stared at him. The thought of him marrying someone else had always broken her heart, but doing it because of her was even worse. "I'm so sorry."

He smiled, surprising her. "Don't be. You have Piper and she's wonderful."

A smile grew on her lips as she nodded. "She is."

"Do you need anything? Water? Something to eat?"

"I'm fine." Pulling gently at his hand, Kahlan closes her eyes. "Can you just lay here with me for a few moments?"

Without words, he crawled into the bed and pulled her into his arms. From the way she looked, he wasn't sure that she would make it through the night; he didn't want to spend a single moment away from her.

******

The feel of her hand moving across his chest woke him. Turning his head, he watched her as she continued running her fingers over the small amount of exposed skin from the hole in his shirt. She watched her fingers dance along his skin, marveling at the softness of it, so focused that she didn't notice that he was awake.

"I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered as he grabbed her hand.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep." He gave her a sad smile. "I can't ignore the comfort of being close to you."

"You're exhausted," she whispered, ignoring the last of his words. She feared the subject would lead back a memory, one that held a secret from him. A secret that would change everything.

Turning onto his side, he laid his hand against her cheek, looking at her carefully. "So are you."

She nodded slowly, giving him a weak smile. "Yes, but I'm afraid to fall asleep." He knew instantly why she was afraid. If she fell asleep, she would probably never wake up. "I have to ask you to do something for me."

"Anything."

She grabbed his shirt, balling it up in her fists as she struggled to find her breath. "Don't say that- you don't know what it is."

"Kahlan, I would do anything that you asked me to."

"I want you to take Piper." His breath caught in his throat, his eyes opening a little bit wider as she attempted to push herself up onto her forearms. "Take her away from here."

Moving quickly, he pushed her over, not wanting her to waist her energy by holding herself up. Leaning over her, Richard grabbed her face. "Kahlan, I can't- I'm not the one you want to do that. I don't know anything about raising a Confessor."

"You're the only one who can do this. I don't want her to be raised here by the council. Not the way that I was. She loves you and you're the only person that I trust."

"I don't know anything about raising a child."

She smiled, "Neither do I. You're going to do great. Please?"

"All right."

She pulled his face to hers, kissing him with every amount of energy that she had left. His hands began to move over her, remembering the last time he had been in her bed.

He had followed her through the door, closing it as he tried to convince her not to take a mate. Before either of them realized what was happening, they were pressed against each other as their lips collided. Their hands roamed over their lover as he laid her down upon her bed. Lifting her dress, he ran his hand over her thigh, moving higher and higher until she broke their kiss with a loud moan. He refused to leave her body. His lips kissed over her neck and chest, his tongue sliding out and pushing beneath the fabric of her dress.

Rolling them over, Kahlan sat up above him, gasping for air as he ripped apart her dress. The moment she became exposed, he knew there was nothing that could stop him. He devoured her body. Kissing, sucking and licking her until she was unable to find her breath.

Most of that night had been a blur. He couldn't be sure that what he remembered had actually happened, or if it was another night his mind had made up. They awoke in each other's arms, their chests pressed against each other, providing the only warmth they received with the blankets kicked off of the bed. Her dress was bunched up at her waist; her right leg was hooked over him, holding him close. His pants were loosely upon his hips, providing him with the knowledge that they hadn't been worn throughout the night. His body felt relaxed in a way it had never felt before. The feel of her against him, her breasts pressed firmly against his chest, he prayed that she wouldn't pull away. He didn't want it to end.

Once she woke, she refused to talk about what had happened. Ignoring his requests and shutting herself out from him. At first he had been afraid that he had hurt her, but the look in her eyes when he asked her told him that he had not. From what he remembered, the things that they did together were not something that would cause her to shut him out, but he couldn't help but feel like he had done something wrong.

Pulling back, Richard took her face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers, sharing her ragged breath. "You should rest."

Nodding, she forced a smile to push through her pain. She remained still as he lay down beside her and gently began to move her into his arms. The moment her head landed against his chest, he felt her grab hold of his shirt and then felt her body relax. "I love you, Richard."

His heart paused for a moment, knowing what was happening. "Don't do it, Kahlan. Don't you dare die like this. Not like this." She gave a soft mumble and released his shirt. "I love you too." Tears filled his eyes as he hugged her against him, waiting for her breath to warm him. Waiting for a breath he knew would never come. "Do you remember the last time I was in here? I never wanted to leave..."

He waited a few minutes, talking to her like he had wanted to for years. When he could stand it no longer, he screamed for his grandfather. Screamed for the only person who may be able to bring her back to him. As the wizard rushed through the door, he froze in place at the sight before him. He couldn't help but feel that it was the way she wanted and that she had held on just long enough to see him. With the Mother Confessor dead, everything changed.

Richard yelled for him to heal her, to bring her back to him. It broke his grandfather's heart to see him like this. He was sitting up in the bed; clinging to the woman he loved in tears as he rocked her gently.

"I'm sorry Richard. There is nothing that I can do."

"You can try!" he shouted angrily. "You can try to save her instead of standing there!"

Shaking his head, the older man sighed. "I've been trying to heal her for weeks. There was nothing left."

"Weeks?" The word left his lips in a whisper of disbelief. "Why did you wait so long to send for me? I may never have gotten a chance to say goodbye! How could you do that? How could you have not save her? How could you allow the only woman I've ever loved die?" He was screaming, his face red as tears poured down his cheeks, his arms still wrapped tightly around her lifeless body. "How could you stand by and do nothing?"

"It's what she asked me to." Zedd spoke calmly, knowing the grief his grandson was in. "I sent for you when she asked me to. I believe she thought that she would get better. When it became apparent that there wasn't going to be a turn around, she asked for you." He sighed and sank down in the chair across from the bed. "You were her last request."

"We- we should get Piper. She should have the chance to say goodbye before we leave."

"What?"

"Kahlan wants me- she wanted me to take Piper away from here. She wanted me to raise her." Zedd stared at him, unsure on what to say and what he was told. "I have no idea what to do."

"She wouldn't have asked you if she wasn't sure that you could do it."

A small smile came to his lips as he looked down at her. "You always thought that I could do anything." Brushing his fingers through her hair, he pressed his lips against her forehead and slowly laid her down on the bed. He fixed her hair, framing it around her face the way she used to wear it. He wanted it to be easier for Piper to see her; if she looked the way she always did it might comfort her. "This is going to be so hard without you."

Slowly, he kissed her, letting his lips linger against hers for a moment before pulling back. Taking a long look at her face, he suddenly noticed the subtle smile on her face. The tears once again filled his eyes as he moved away from her, covering her carefully to make it appear that she was only sleeping. Moving carefully, he inched off of the bed and stepped beside Zedd. "I'll get Piper."

"No, you stay here. I'll get her. You should stay and say your own goodbyes." He left instantly, leaving his grandson alone with the woman he loved.

"I need you to come back, Kahlan. Piper needs you, she doesn't need me." For a moment, he could hear her voice. She told him that he was the only one who was able to do it. "I need you, Kahlan."

"Mommy?" Richard turned toward the door, his heart breaking for the small child standing in tears in the opening. She stared at the bed, afraid to move any closer. "Is she sleeping?"

Grabbing her small hand, Richard pulled her gently to him. "No. She's not sleeping."

Piper nodded and blinked loose her tears, tightening the hold of their hands. "What happens to me?"

With a sigh, he gave her a smile. "She asked me to take you with me, so if you want... We can find us a new home."

"Can we take her with us?"

"No. As the Mother Confessor, she has a special place to be buried in. She has to stay here, but we can come back. We can visit her any time that you want."

Turning away, she faced him completely. Her tears were streaming down her face, but like her mother, she stood tall, with her head held high as she looked at him. "What about you? Do you want me?"

"More than I can say."

"All right." 

"Do you want to see her?"

Nodding she looked through the corner of her eyes toward the bed. "Only if you go with me." Standing up, he brought her over to the bed, turning her around once they were close enough. "I'm sorry, mommy," she whispered as she grabbed her hand. Leaning down, she began to whisper in her ear, saying something that Richard couldn't be sure that he heard correctly.

After a moment, she could no longer contain her tears and she rushed from the room, once again leaving him alone with her. She was still warm, making it harder for him to touch her as he moved to his knees. He cried into the covers, pulling her closer as he lost himself in sadness. Before he knew it, he had her in his arms again, the need to hold her taking over him. As he cried a realization came to his mind and suddenly everything began to make sense. Pulling back to look at her, he nearly laughed. "She's my child isn't she? That's why you pushed me away so hard." Pressing his head against hers, she began rocking slowly. "You could have told me. I would have stayed; I would have- That's why you didn't tell me."

He sighed, knowing that she would put him first. She wanted him to move on, to have a family of his own and if she had told him, nothing would have kept him away. Kahlan would never want him to feel obligated to stay. In moments he began begging the spirits to send her back, once again, offering his life for hers. He told them that they had made a mistake and that she should never be taken from the world. The anger began to build up as he spoke, making him curse them for taking her and destroying the beauty in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Black smoke filled the room, tearing his attention from her body; forcing him to look around them as figures began to form. He recognized her at once, before she had completed her form, her beauty hard to miss even as a spirit. The others circled him, pushing closer while she remained still behind them.

"Why have you summoned us?" He jumped at the sudden voice; he couldn't be sure which one had spoken. "Why did you summon us?" There was no mistaking who spoke now; the spirit grew larger for a moment, pulling Richard's attention to him. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. He stared, waiting for her to say something, desperate to hear the sound of her voice. She watched him in sadness as he clung to her body, unable to speak as she wished to. "You waste great power bringing us here. What do you want?"

"Kahlan." It was all he could say, it was the only thing he had ever wanted.

"She is lost to you. Cannot be returned, the balance of life would be destroyed."

"Then take me instead," he pleaded, tearing his eyes from the woman be loved and looking to the four spirits that surrounded him. "Give her back and take me."

The spirit seemed to laugh, finding his response amusing. "Why would you make such a request? You gain nothing."

"The world does. Her daughter does. Did you think about her, when you took her mother's life?"

"It is not our place to think of the ones that are left behind. There can be no change."

He was angry, squeezing Kahlan's body as he looked over to her. "You can't be gone. I can't do this without you. None of us can. Kahlan, our child..." Her eyes widened at his words. She had known that somehow he would figure it out, but she wished that he hadn't done it yet.

"Her soul aches for yours. The strength between you both is rare. If we agreed to your trade, what is it that we gain?"

He shook his head, keeping his eyes locked on Kahlan. "I have nothing else to offer. All I have is my life and my love for her. You've already taken her from me."

"You have the love for her."

"I will never give that away. It is worth more than my life."

The spirits spoke among themselves for a moment, turning away as they discussed his answer. No more than a minute passed when they turned back to him. "If your love for her is worth more... That is what we will take."

"No!" Richard shouted angrily. "You may take my life! You said if she was brought back that the balance of life would be destroyed. You need a life to give to her. Take mine."

"The balance would remain intact with the sacrifice of the love. She would be returned to you."

"If you take my love for her, you take my life."

"Then you were wrong before. You only have one thing to offer and it is weak."

Richard blinked out his tears and looked at her. "My love for you is the only part of me that isn't weak." Her lips parted and for a moment. It appeared that she was trying to reach for him, but the others wouldn't allow it. They screeched in anger, brushing by her in an attempt to keep her from reforming. "If you trade my life for hers, the rest of the world will benefit. There will never be a greater loss than her death."

"She can never live again. Her life is gone, to return her to your world would leave her in the state she was in before. She would never have the life to be as she was."

"Not with her own life..." The spirits shifted closer, surprised that he has thought further into it. "If you give her my life, she will be as she was. She can care for our daughter; she can continue to save the midlands. If she has my life, she will live the way she was meant to."

"She was meant to die and she has. The power within you brought us here as an attempt to change the world. The love you have for this woman has made you foolish. Your magic could have brought you anything that you wanted."

Richard looked at the large form of smoke floating inches from his face tears in his eyes. "I want Kahlan. She's all I've ever wanted."

"Is this your last offer? Your life for hers?"

He gave a single nod and looked back to the smoky Kahlan. "You should be here. Not me."

He watched mesmerized as the smoke she was created by rushed toward him, pushing through him and into the lifeless body in his hands. "You have made a deal."

He grew weaker as she grew stronger. A loud cry of pain screamed from her lips as her spirit was pushed back into her body. Richard held her close, keeping her against him until he could no longer hold the weight of her. Grabbing his face, she sobbed her love for him, yelled at him for being so reckless and ended it all with a kiss. Kahlan kissed him deeply before looking at the blobs of smoke that surrounded them. Someone was banging on the bedroom door, trying to get in but they wouldn't let them. "Bring him back! You lied! The great spirits lied to a man who has given everything when he did not have to!"

"It was his bargain to be made."

Tears streaming down her face, she raised her hand to the spirits in anger. "Then it is I who makes the bargain for his life!"

"It is yours. To bargain his life is to do the same for yours."

She could feel the magic that once ran through his veins. It warmed her, comforted her and for a moment, she could have sworn that this had been his plan all along. Closing her eyes, she summoned it all, bringing her body to glow brighter than the sun as she released Richard from her grasp. The spirits seemed confused, unsure of what was happening. When they tried to leave, she took hold of them and ripped them back to her. "You will return his life!"

They shrieked in horror as the lightning stuck all over the room. The amount of power that she had summoned had them racing to escape. "Bring him back now of you will never return to your world!"

They took her threat seriously, the glowing of her eyes and the anger in her voice made it hard to ignore her. Not only was she using his magic, but she was using all of hers as well, on the verge of the Con Dar. She held them tightly until Richard gasped for air and in an instant, they were gone. Grabbing his shoulders, she waited until he opened his eyes and then began to shake him. "What did you do?"

He stared at her as though she wasn't real for a moment, even as her tears fell upon his face. "Kahlan?"

Before she could respond, the door broke open and Zedd and several guards stumbled in. They froze mid step, the sight before them confusing them all. Kahlan sat over Richard with her hands holding his shoulders tightly as they both cried. Zedd shook his head bewildered, the thought of what must have happened shaking him deeply. He knew the price for bringing a loved one from death and he was sure his grandson would have done anything for her to return.

"What did they take?"

"Nothing," Kahlan whispered quietly. She could feel Richard staring at her, waiting for her to look at him and assure him that it was a real and she was with him again.

The wizard didn't buy it; he knew there was something they wanted to take "What did they ask for?"

"Nothing. Richard offered- They have taken nothing." She held his eyes, begging him not to ask anything more before she had learned herself. She was still pale, but from the sickness as before. Now she looked drained and he knew now that the magic had come from her. "Zedd..." The way she spoke his name told him more than there were words and he quickly pushed the guards out of the room, rebuilding the door as he walked away.

Once they were gone, she returned her eyes to Richard. In an instant, he took hold of her face and brought her closer to him. Rubbing his thumbs across her cheeks, he began to smile, relieved that she was with him once again. "Why would you do that?"

"I couldn't live without you. Piper- Kahlan, why didn't you tell me that I was her father?"

"Because what happened that night can never happen again."

He wondered if he should ask her, if she would be upset that he couldn't remember the night clearly, but he needed to know. "I- I don't remember some of that night.

"I know," she answered softly, looking away embarrassed. "I begged Zedd to take it from you."

"Why?"

"Because I- What happened between us, Richard... What we did, we can never do it again and I knew that I you found out that Piper was yours you would think that we- But we can't. When we spent that night together, I never released my magic. I would never risk your life and even in those moments, even then, I could not loose you for one night of- I was so afraid to lose you." She moved away from him, laying her back on the bed. "I almost told you before. So many times, but I wanted you to be happy."

"And then I married Anna and you thought I was." She nodded, bringing her eyes back to his as he repositioned himself on the bed. He lay on his stomach, his side pressed against hers. "Kahlan, I was never happy with her. Every moment I wished that I was with you and then I could stand it no longer. We divorced more than four years ago. A few months after you gave birth to Piper." 

"Why didn't you say anything? Richard you came here every week to be with Piper and you- You brought her with you."

Shaking his head, he sighed. "I didn't want you to think of me that way. I- I thought that if I told you we were no longer married that you wouldn't want me near you or Piper."

"When you told me that you had married her, I almost told you that Piper was yours. I was so jealous that you had found happiness."

"That's how I felt every time I thought of you with him."

She knew who he was talking about. The only man that had entered her room other than himself. The man she had taken as her mate. Michael. "I never laid with him." She said the words so softly, he had been grateful that he was so close and able to hear her.

He almost kissed her, almost pulled her into his arms and thanked the spirits but he didn't. "Why?"

"Because I had what I'd always wanted. You gave it to me that night. You gave me Piper and I never wanted anything else. There was no need for me to..."

He smiled; her words making him feel as though nothing had ever changed between them. "How did you get the council to-"

"Once I announced that I was with child, they did not question me. I had taken him- I brought him in here and I waited. He was standing behind the door when I released my magic. I was sitting in the wardrobe. What they didn't see, they could not know." She looked away and drew in a deep breath, unable to look at him as she continued. "When I told the council that I carried a child, I had never been happier and then... When I told you, I had never wanted to cry more. I was so afraid that I would never see you again." A smile formed upon her lips as she looked back to him. "But when I told you- I told you that I was carrying another man's child and you hugged me. Do you remember what you said? I was afraid that you would hate me and you told me that it was the most wonderful news that you have heard."

"I told you that you would be a great mother."

"I couldn't understand why you would say that."

"Because it's true. Kahlan, you are a wonderful mother. Piper is the luckiest child in the world to have you. She loves you."

"She knows that you're her father." She didn't know why she said it, but she suddenly wanted him to know everything.

"What made you tell her?"

"I wanted her to be proud. To have the chance to get to know you in a way I never did with my father." She smiled widely. "She loves you. You never missed anything. Her birthdays, holidays and everything that ever meant anything to her. You have always been there for her and you didn't know that you were her father."

"I love her," he told her quietly. Shifting his body, he laid his hand on her stomach, needing to touch her to remind himself that she was there. The rise and fall of her stomach with each breath was more comforting than he could ever explain. "Kahlan, I- know that I haven't been here for you and I know that I have no right to ask this, but I would like to stay."

"You have every right to. You're her father and I shouldn't have kept it from you."

"Piper isn't the only reason I want to stay. I can't be away from you any longer. Kahlan, when you died- when I lost you, I never thought that kind of pain was possible. It felt like my heart had been cut out of my chest and I couldn't die. And I know that you said that that night can never happen again and I don't care. Kahlan, if I get to see you every day, if I can just hold you... I have never needed anything more."

Tears were in her eyes as she laid her hand over his. "That's because you don't remember what it was like."

"I remember enough to know that nothing could be better. Kahlan when I woke up that morning and had you in my arms, pressed against me like that, I remember thinking that it was how I wanted to wake up for the rest of my life. I don't have to remember every detail to know that it was amazing. When I woke up, I had never felt such a peace."

"How can you remember that?"

"Some things you can't erase. Not everything lives in the mind. That night you and I connected in a way neither of us wants to forget and it wasn't just with our bodies."

"How much do you remember?"

He smiled, shaking his head as inched closer to her. "I remember enough. Kahlan for years I thought that I was imagining things, but now I know that I wasn't. I can see it in your eyes. Everything that I remember is true."

"How can you be sure?"

Pulling her to him, he rolled them onto their sides and held her close. "Because I held you in my arms. I could never forget that."

She was exhausted, she felt drained and with his arms around her, she could barely keep her eyes open. Once his fingers began running through her hair, she was gone. Pulling back, he grinned at the peaceful look on her face. Gently, he lifted her from the bed, keeping her close to him as he turned them on the bed. Moving the blankets over them, he began to silently thank the spirits that she was back with him, but then he remembered everything else.

The spirits had taken his life, but here he was, lying in bed with the woman he loved. Alive. He could remember hearing her scream in rage, feel the bed tremble as though her magic had pushed through it and the lightning. The lighting that spread across the room, but burned nothing and made the spirits race away in fear. Whatever Kahlan had done, she had saved his life. He had wanted to save hers, but as usual, she saved him. He suddenly wanted to wake her, to ask her what had happened, but the look on her face changed his mind.

He knew that everyone would want them to explain how she was alive, but the only reason he could think of was because he loved her. He wanted to die for her; he was glad to do it. A decision had never been easier for him. When the spirits asked for something in return, he had offered his life, but the truth was, he didn't have one without her. As he held her in his arms, he began to wonder if they would return for her, if the spirits would claim what they were owed. He wasn't going to let her go again.

The look on Piper's face as she looked upon her, seeing her mother without a spark of life haunted him. He would never allow her to feel that kind of pain again. Instantly, he wanted to run to her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her that he loved her and that her mother was alive, but he didn't want to leave Kahlan alone. The knowledge that he was a father made his heart pound, part of him terrified that he wouldn't be the way she hoped he would. His body jerked as the door pushed open. Their eyes meeting at once, Richard reached out for her.

Moving slowly, Piper inched close to the bed, looking carefully around as she stopped at the foot of the bed. "It's all right. You can come up here."

"How?" she breathed out the word almost silently in fear.

"I'm not sure."

She crawled up instantly as he moved back, allowing her to lie between them. Facing her mother, she reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly until Kahlan drew in a breath. "Are we going to lose her again?"

"Not if I can stop it."

Nodding, she turned her head toward him. "Are you going to stay with us?"

"I'm not going anywhere."


	3. Chapter 3

Kahlan opened her eyes slowly; afraid of where she would be when she looked around. They were asleep beside her, both touching her as though they were afraid she wouldn't be there when they woke up. Piper was curled up with her back pressed against his chest, holding him to her with one arm as she clung to her with the other. Her eyes studied Richard's face, trying to see what was going on in his mind. His right arm was stretched out, providing a pillow for their daughter as he entangled his fingers in her hair.

It was warm; her white Confessor's dress was sticking to her skin with sweat. Shifting her body, she tried to get more comfortable, wanting to remain in bed with the two people she loved. Her movement woke him instantly, bringing his eyes open in fear that she was leaving.

"Kahlan?"

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered as she lifted her dress under the blankets. She hadn't worn her Confessors dress in weeks, but once Zedd told her she wouldn't survive, she couldn't think of anything better to die in. It was who she was and felt like it was all there was left of her.

Reaching over the small child between them, she grabbed his elbow, sliding her hand over his arm as she returned to her previous position. He wanted to be closer to her, the small distance between them making his body ache. Rubbing his thumb across her cheek, he stared into her eyes, thankful to see them filled with life once again, but for how long, he didn't know. The movement between them took their attention from each other and onto their daughter.

Opening her eyes, Piper sat up and pushed her hair out of her face, yawning as she looked from her mother to her father. "What happens now?"

"I don't know," Kahlan answered in a whisper.

Richard smiled, pulling the little girl into his arms. "I think that we take this one step at a time."

She looked at her mother, almost as though asking permission to ask what was on her mind. "Does that mean that you're going to stay?"

"Nothing could keep me away."

Grinning, she hugged him quickly and then raced from the room with a loud squeal, pulling the door closed as she rushed off to tell the wizard. The moment the door was closed, Richard pushed himself against Kahlan, pressing his chest against hers as their lips met. She kissed him back, lifting her back from the bed as she tried to get closer. No one else had ever been this close to her. For the past five years, she had imagined how it would feel to be beneath him once again. Their kiss began to lose desperation, falling into their passion as they brought each other closer. Pushing apart her legs, he settled between them, pushing down against her as she hooked her legs around his.

Kicking the blankets from them, he pulled at her dress as his lips began covering her neck and chest. Her breaths turned into pants as his hand slid beneath her dress, flying to please her. The moan that left her lips was music to him, having been years since he had heard something so beautiful. She pushed her fingers into his hair, holding his face so that she was able to deepen their kiss. Their tongues fought for dominance as they tried to get closer. Pushing against his hand, she fought the urge to roll over him, trying to keep herself from releasing her magic into him.

She began pulling at his shirt, needing to feel his skin. He broke their kiss for a moment, taking his hand from her long enough to pull his shirt from his body. Running her hands over his chest, she closed her eyes as he began pushing against her once again. A soft moan flowed from her as his hand returned between her legs. She felt her magic growing within her as he selflessly tried to take care of her needs. She could feel him against her, his desire for her going untouched.

Reaching between them, she began to untie his pants, all thoughts fleeing her mind as his breath warmed her chest. The moment she touched him realization flooded over her. The sound of his moan, the weight of his body against her as he shifted above her, it was everything she swore not to have again. There was no guarantee that he would be unharmed as he was before. The last time she had held him this way, she nearly lost control and she almost didn't care. She would not risk his life for a moment of pleasure for herself. Not again.

Pushing gently, she rolled over him, making it impossible for his hand to find her again. Reconnecting their lips, she reached for him once again, only to be stopped before she could continue.

"I know what you're doing," he told her breathlessly. His heart was pounding in his ears, his body on fire from her touch. "Don't..."

"I can't do what you want me to. I can't let go."

He smiled, pulling her hand from between them and clutching it tightly in his. "You don't have to let go. I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to. I know that we can be together. I don't know how, but I know it's true. But you don't have to do this- any of this. I'm not going to leave you ever again."

"You say that now, but I feel it when you kiss me. You can't live off of that."

"You're right. I can't live off of kissing, but I can live of kissing you."

Rolling off of him, she closed her eyes and sighed. "This will never work."

He laughed as he rolled onto his side, holding his head in the palm of his right hand. "If anything will work, it's this. Kahlan, I won't touch you if you don't want me to."

"Of course I want you to," she replied before she could stop herself. It was the truth, but she didn't want him to know that. "I'm sorry, but we can't pretend that it's going to be fine. We will never have what we want."

"We already have what we've wanted. Piper."

"That's not what I meant," she whispered.

Nodding, he laid his arm over her stomach and inched closer. Moving slowly so that she would have a chance to push him away if she needed to. "I know, but she is what we wanted. She's what I've dreamed about since I met you. Having a daughter with you, a family... Nothing else matters."

She wanted to tell him that it didn't matter to him because he couldn't fully remember what it was like that night and how she had thought about it more times than she had taken a breath. The memory of that night had been one of the few things that kept her going. The feel of his body above her had been the only time she had ever felt safe and the way he held her, she knew that no man would ever love her as much. Even if she confessed a man, he would never be able to lover her in the way Richard had. Never. "All right." It was all she could say. Everything else that came to her mind made her want to pull him back to her and kiss him until she could no longer draw in breath.

He studied her face for a few moments, watching as she pushed back everything that he knew that she wanted to say. "You don't have to do that, Kahlan. You can talk to me."

Looking away from him, she shook her head. "No I can't. Not about this. Not when we're here; like this."

"Yes you can. You can talk to me like this, always."

"No. Lying here like this with you... After what I almost did, Richard I can't talk to you about this."

"About what?"

She looked back at him, knowing that he knew what she was talking about. "We can't do this. It's only going to hurt us."

"Kahlan, not doing this hurt us more than anything. If we don't try, if we don't take the chance... I could never live with myself if you thought that you had to keep something from me."

"Then you should ask Zedd to give you back your memories. Without them, you will never understand." Pushing his arm from her, she struggled to sit up, having not yet regained all of her strength. Moving from the bed, she fought back her tears, the tears that begged her to turn around and fall back into his arms as she walked toward the door. The feelings that she had for him had to be buried deep within her and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to do it again.

Richard watched her leave, unable to find the right words to say. Anything that he said now would have to be perfect or she would never trust herself to be near him again. The look in her eyes stayed with him, he knew that there was nothing other than what they had done that night that would keep her from talking to him. He had to regain his memories. Looking back to the bed, he smiled, remembering that not very long ago, he had been lying with his family, curled up together the way he had always imagined. He wouldn't stop until he could do it for the rest of his life.

******

"You sent him to me; you knew what he would remember and how it would make him feel."

"He deserves to know."

Zedd had been speaking to her for nearly an hour, wondering why she had suddenly changed her mind and wanted Richard to know what had really happened that night. When Kahlan had come to him, she had been in tears and it took him a few minutes to understand her. After she told him what had happened, he agreed that Richard shouldn't remember. He too knew that his grandson would believe that there was a chance, but there wasn't one.

Whatever Kahlan had done that night to prevent her magic from taking him was far beyond what the wizard had ever seen. Her nose bled and her eyes appeared to have been filled with blood. He didn't know where she found the strength to endure it all. He was disappointed in her for going too far, but he couldn't help but think that it had given her a small amount of closure.

"I took the memories from him and he moved on, just as you wanted."

Shaking her head, she blinked out a steady stream of tears. "No he didn't. Zedd, he is no longer married to Anna. He hasn't been since I had Piper."

"Did he know?"

"No. He didn't know she was his until I- died."

Grabbing her arm, he pulled her close. "Do you know what you two have done?"

"I do. He doesn't and I'm not going to tell him. I can't, not after what he did for me."

"You're going to die soon and we both know what Richard will do then."

"The spirits will not collect on the debt. Zedd, they were afraid; they vanished in fear of what we could do to them. They will not risk coming to us again. Whatever happened in that room, it saved us."

"What are you going to do with Richard?"

Looking to the ground for a moment, she took a few steps away and sighed in defeat. "I don't know. I can't think of him without thinking about what we did."

Nodding in understanding, he laid his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "From the look on his face when I returned his memories, neither can he."

"How long?"

"A few hours. I haven't seen him since and we both know Richard. He will never think about anything else again, not now that he knows that that night gave you both Piper."

"That night may have given us Piper, but Zedd it took away everything else. He used to be my friend. That night changed everything between us and I don't think we'll be that way again."

"He was always more than your friend. You've always known that, even when he married Anna, you knew. He didn't come back here just to visit a child who wasn't his. He came for you."

Wiping tears from her cheeks, she nodded. "I have never felt like this much of a monster before."

"He's never seen you as a monster."

"He's never seen me as a Confessor."

Zedd smiled warmly at her, knowing that his grandson had never seen her as anything other than a normal woman. "Because you are more than that to him."


	4. Chapter 4

After he found his grandfather and was given his memories back, Richard made himself at home in the room he was always given. It was on the other side of the palace, away from her. He had always known that he was given that room for a reason, but until now, he didn't understand. She had rearranged this room as well, but now it was exactly the way her room used to be. Then he realized why she had done it. She had been sleeping in there when he was away.

Pushing the covers off of his chest, he rolled over, making a complete circle before he opened his eyes and sighed in frustration. The few memories he had of the night with her were nothing compared to all of them. He could feel her against him; taste the saltiness of her skin and the softness of her lips. The soft sounds of her moans echoed in his ears and the sight of her above him as she allowed him to touch her. He couldn't get the image out of his mind. He wanted to have it again.

He could still feel her fingers in his hair, pulling as he covered her breasts with his lips. The taste of her lingered in his mouth; making him even more thirsty for than he already was. He could remember the look on her face, the pleasure that took over as she pushed down her magic. He could see the torment within her, but he didn't stop. She didn't ask him to. The strength of her magic made it more difficult for her to hold back, to keep from releasing everything and destroying him. She had never experienced that moment of bliss, the moment that he wanted so badly to give her. He did, many times. Sitting up, he pulled off his shirt and tossed it across the room, trying to rid himself of his frustration. It landed on her face as she stepped through the door and surprised him.

"What's wrong?" he asked quickly, thinking that something had to be wrong for her to be there.

"Nothing is wrong. I- I didn't know that you were in here."

He was sweating, his need for her growing beneath the blankets. "I wanted to be alone."

Nodding, she gave him a small smile and took a few steps backward, dropping his shirt onto the chair beside the door. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to go, Kahlan."

"Yes I do. I shouldn't have come."

"Why did you?" He hoped that she would answer quickly, telling him the truth, but she didn't.

Shaking her head, she grabbed the doorknob and sighed. "I don't know. One minute I was talking to Zedd and the next, I was here."

"You don't have to stand over there."

"I shouldn't be here."

"Why did you change the room?" He wanted to change the subject, hoping that it would make her stay.

Turning away from him, she tried to keep from crying. "Because I wanted a safe place to remember."

Moving over on the bed, he gave her a calm smile as she turned back to him. "You can remember with me."

"I shouldn't."

"Why?"

"Because remembering isn't all I want to do."

His smile widened for a moment but faded as she looked away. "I won't touch you if you don't want me to."

"That's the problem. I'll always want you to."

"We can just lay here. Together." He waited a moment, hoping that she would come to him and from the way she shifted her weight on her feet, he knew that she wanted to. "Please?"

Slowly, she turned toward him, looking at the bed and not him. It would break her to look into his eyes. "I can't..."

"I don't want to be alone any longer."

She knew what he meant; it was the same way that she felt. She found herself walking to the bed as she looked into his eyes. Silently, she sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing legs before her as a small barrier that she couldn't help but want him to cross. Taking her hand, he inched her farther on the bed, moving her to sit closer to the headboard and away from the edge. Slowly, he turned his back to her, closing his eyes in prayer as he leaned back against her. Instantly, she pushed her fingers into his hair, bringing his body to relax in her arms.

She had held him like this before. The night they had spent entirely in her room. He hadn't remembered it, but now that he did, he wanted her to hold him that way forever. His lower back rested between her legs, his right hand held her thigh as she bent her knee at his side. Her heart beat echoed around him, the steadiness of it making him even more comfortable. That night they had laid there and talked for a while, letting their bodies rest before picking up where they had left off again.

Grabbing her hands, he pulled them over his head and laid them on his chest. At first he thought that she would pull away, be angry for his actions, but she said nothing. He began to wonder if she was still there and not lost in the memory. Looking up to her face, he saw the tears that were slowly falling down her cheeks as she stared over to the window. Without realizing it, he leaned up and sucked a drop from her chin, bringing her body to freeze as though she were a stone.

Her heart started to race beneath his head as he returned to his previous position. He began hoping that his actions wouldn't cause her to push him away and leave. After a moment, her fingers moved over his chest and her eyes closed, allowing herself to remember the way his skin felt.

"I wanted to ask you to marry me," he whispered softly, not wanting to speak loudly and somehow change the meaning of his words. "That night, as we laid there like we are now... I almost asked you a few dozen times. I was so afraid. The thought of you being with anyone else was... It was hard for me to face." He wondered what was going on in her mind, but he knew better than to wait for her to speak. "I thought that if I asked you, that you wouldn't have to do it anymore and then I realized how selfish I was being. If I could just have you for one night... I told myself that it would be enough and now... Forever wouldn't be enough."

"I'm sorry, Richard."

Looking back up to her face, he smiled a small smile. "I'm not. We may not have forever but we had that night and we have Piper."

"If you didn't know that she was yours, would you still stay?"

Richard nodded quickly, needing no time to think about it. "I've wanted to stay every time I've come."

"But you didn't."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I thought that you were upset with me. I thought that I had hurt you and I was- I was so afraid that if I stayed, I would hurt you more."

Without thinking she pulled his face to hers and kissed him. The angle made it difficult, but neither cared as long as they were touching. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry and that she never meant to hurt him, but she knew words wouldn't come close. Turning in her arms, he pulled her down, making her lie beneath him as he deepened their kiss. His hands moved over her quickly, before holding onto her sides. He wanted to hold her against him and keep her from moving away, but the way she returned his kiss made him believe that she wouldn't.

They kissed passionately, clinging to the other as they had before when they thought they would never have the chance again. As her fingers began to dig into his shoulders, Richard left her lips and kissed over her neck, sliding his tongue along her skin, just to taste more of her. Kahlan arched her back off of the bed, pushing her chest into him as his hands slowly moved over her. The sounds of panting, gasps and moans filled the air around them as they continued pushing to the limit, praying that nothing would stop them. Reaching between them, he took hold of her dress as he had done before, only this time he didn't tear through the fabric. Slowly, he began to pull loose the laces of her dress, his body desperate to feel her against him, but his mind knowing she wouldn't allow it.

He found himself delighted that she hadn't yet put on her corset. The moment he was able, he pushed open her dress and reached inside. Sliding his hands over her stomach and sides, he kissed her chest, knowing the soft whimpers it would bring from her. He avoided her breasts the best that he could, not wanting to push her away by going too far. He didn't want to give her a reason to stop him. She pulled her arms from her sleeves as he pushed her dress from her shoulders, needing to feel more of her.

Bringing his face back to hers, he kissed her as she pulled him down against her. The feel of their skin touching being something she had wanted to feel again for years. She continued pulling him closer, unwilling to settle until they shared the same space. His hands began to; once again, move over her body as she pushed herself against him. Hooking her legs around his, she moved against him, trying desperately to get the pressure her body wanted.

Her actions didn't go unnoticed. Within seconds, he had snaked his hand between them and met her need. Moving against his hand, she whimpered his name; shamelessly taking what he gave her. She could feel his need against her, being ignored as he took her higher and higher. Suddenly she realized that he had been right, nothing would ever keep them from each other. Even now as much as she hated herself for allowing it to go this far, she didn't want him to stop.

He touched her as though he had no fear, like the thought of her magic destroying him had never crossed his mind. She couldn't understand that. Pulling his hand from her, she began unlacing his pants, forgetting what she was as he held her close. A low moan flowed from his throat as she pushed his pants from his hips, releasing him. He kicked off his pants as she removed her dress, both ridding themselves of the only thing keeping them from each other. Their bodies collided with a heated moan, escaping both of their lips as they lost themselves in each other.

Her body was exactly the way he remembered it. Every inch of her made him weaker and he knew that he would not last long. The feel of her around him was almost too much for him to bear. Dropping his head to the crook of her neck, he began panting, trying to focus on bringing her to release. Her hold on him tightened as she pushed down her magic, trying to hold it all back as she continued to lose control. He could feel her body tense beneath him, telling him that something was wrong.

Lifting his head, he looked down at her face and quickly took it in his hands. Her eyes opened instantly, almost making her lose her concentration. Her nose was bleeding, proving the strength that she used to keep from destroying him. He stopped moving as he gently wiped the blood from her face. Her eyes were completely dark, but he could still see her, still see the woman that he loved. Giving her a warm smile, Richard shifted above her, his smile growing as she let out a soft moan.

"Let go," he whispered quietly, stroking the side of her face with his thumb. "You won't hurt me, I promise." Her eyes began to water as he begged her to release her magic, begged her to do the one thing she could never do. "Trust me." She trusted him more than herself. That was why she held back, why she would rather die than destroy him, but there was something in his voice. Something about him told her that he knew something that she didn't. He didn't fear her. "Trust me." He repeated himself softly, his lips so close to hers, they touched as he spoke, making it difficult for her to think.

As he began to kiss her again, she let go. For the first time in her life, she truly and completely let go, trusting him. Nothing had ever felt more amazing. She heard him gasp out her name just as her world went dark in pleasure. He collapsed against her, his arms wrapped tightly around her as he tried to gather his breath. She could feel him smiling against her chest, grinning widely before he began to gently kiss her skin.

Afraid to look, Kahlan closed her eyes and softly said his name. His head lifted instantly, looking down at her as she squeezed her eyes shut.

"I'm still here." He wanted to laugh at his reply. He was lying on top of her; of course she knew that he was there. "I'm still me."

She opened her eyes and stared up into his. Searching carefully, she couldn't believe what she saw. He hadn't changed. The man that she loved still stared down at her; he had the same look in his eyes from before. Grabbing his face, she pulled him closer, thinking that her eyes somehow were deceiving her. "How?"

"How could I possibly love you anymore than I already do? I realized before, when you died... I had always thought that there was nothing more than how much I love you, but then I thought that if there's a way that could love you more, I wanted to feel that. I wanted you to confess me so that I could love you the way that you deserve." His smile was wide, spreading across his face as he showed his teeth. "I have never felt anything like that. It was beautiful."

She stared at him, knowing his words were true, but finding it hard to believe that he would willingly want to be confessed. She had confessed many men before, but he was right. She had never felt anything like it before. He had opened himself up to her and allowed her to release her magic into him. There was no struggle, no restraint; he allowed her to enter him without fear and feel his love for her.

"I didn't think it was possible," she said softly, a small smile coming to her lips.

"What?"

"For someone to love me like that."

He beamed down at her, pressing his nose to hers. "You'll get used to it."

"Spirits, I hope not."

As she connected their lips, she silently thanked the spirits for him. She thanked them for allowing her to return to him and for giving him back. After a moment, she could no longer form thoughts, the feel of his hands taking her from the world and bringing her to a new one. Gasping for air, she pushed her chest into his lips, running her fingers through his hair as his tongue teased her skin. Rolling them over, Kahlan pulled his back from the bed, holding his face to her chest as she settled above him. As he fell back against the bed, he stared up at her in amazement. Her beauty always taking his breath away. Now everything was different. They would be together forever and they would have everything they have ever wanted.

******

Everything was different now. Each night Richard was able to hold her in his arms and kiss her the way he had always wanted to. Within a week, it seemed like they had always been together. Piper called him her father and like they always had, he chased her through the halls while laughing. They were happy and they knew it wouldn't end.

The sun had been up for a few hours when she found them sitting on the floor in the grand entry. Kahlan grinned as she watched them roll small balls through the opening of the pillars attempting to knock down a set of old vases. Piper had was always awake before the sun and while Kahlan was in meetings, Richard took the time to be with his daughter. He couldn't believe that she existed and at times, he could swear it was all a dream.

"What happens when you knock them down?" Kahlan asked as she at last walked over to them.

"If I knock them down, daddy has to carry me on his back all day."

Raising an eyebrow, she looked at Richard. "And if you win?"

"She has to eat the nasty green things we put on her plate."

She couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped her as she sat down beside him. "I think you should win."

"I'm trying, but she's gotten better at this."

Beaming, Piper rolled one of the balls, instantly knocking down two of the vases. "Zedd showed me how to get them."

Pulling her over to him, Richard laughed. "That's not fair."

"It's fair," she giggled while shaking her head. Pulling back, she rolled another ball, knocking down the final vase. "I win, mommy!" she shouted in triumph.

She laughed as she looked down at the remaining vases on Richard's side. "You let her win?"

"I started to, but then I couldn't keep up."

Looking at their daughter, Kahlan grinned. "Before you claim your prize, would you give me a few minutes with him?"

Shrugging her shoulders, she jumped to her feet, "All right. I'm going to get some sweet bread from the kitchen!" Spinning on her heals, she raced off down the hall, knowing that if she wasn't quick, her grandfather would eat the last of it.

Meeting her eyes, Richard tilted his head in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she reassured him quickly. "Nothing is wrong. I-" she grinned widely, "I'm pregnant."

Without a moment of hesitation, he pulled her to him and connected their lips, kissing her passionately as he pushed her back to the floor. They laid there, kissing, for a few minutes, only pulling away when they heard footsteps and realized where they were. Breaking their kiss, he beamed at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, there's only one way to be sure..."

Grabbing her hand, he pulled her down the hall, racing to get to their bedroom before they were stopped and requested for more duties. He was going to do everything he could to make sure she was once again carrying his child. He couldn't imagine anything greater.

******The End******


End file.
